NHL Hockey, Hockey Net Blog, Back For 2012 Season

Blair Charbonneau, Hockey Net Blog

The NHL’s 2012 season is back and here to stay for as long as the Mayans and Roland Emmerich see fit. A fresh hockey season germinates, blooming into new false hopes for dead markets (Phoenix), unrealistic expectations (Toronto), and the sound of oxygen sucking as deflated Sharks fans begin to breathe again — how exciting! What more can we expect? Well, let’s take a look:

The sub-dwelling Flames have reclaimed their corpse-like position in the basement of the Western Conference with a comfortable 1-2 record — nothing like a good headstart.

After three games David Legwand is leading the league in scoring — could you imagine if...wait, no, don’t bother.

Which players will have their eyes rolled back and minds wiped etch-a-sketch style by blind-side hits this year? And how long will Crosby milk this concussion to sit at home and play NHL 12? 

Also: How many games will it take to run Craig Anderson out of Ottawa? Will Andrei Markov walk again? How will Canucks fans blame Luongo for the Sedin’s shortcomings? What’s the over-under on fires during Montreal riots? Oh the suspense!

Flames address scoring, bring back Amonte, Bure

Sutter practices his Russian.

Blair Charbonneau, Hockey Net

CALGARY — Calgary Flames GM Darryl Sutter has decided to coax former Flames Tony Amonte and Valeri Bure out of retirement in the hopes of igniting some offense.

“We need goals and these guys were the best free-agents available,” explained Sutter to bewildered reporters at a press conference earlier today. “Amonte had eighty-four points in 2000 and Valeri is still Pavel Bure’s brother,” added Sutter.

Sutter made similar controversy last offseason as he re-signed ex-Flames Oli Jokinen and Alex Tanguay, moves that had fans and media questioning his leadership. Sutter explained the Flames’ offensive ineptitude has left him with no choice, unless he wants to be replaced by one of his brothers.

“Bringing in Amonte and Pavel’s brother will really get our asses in gear and we were able to get them at a lower price than before," stated Sutter.

However, the pressure Sutter faces has not subsided, especially with Jokinen underperforming again and Tanguay appearing as though he won’t regain his eighty-point form; even the Flames’ offensive franchise leader, Jarome Iginla, can’t find the back of the net. “I also called Oleg Saprykin, but I don’t think he understood my Russian,” commented Sutter.

Darryl Sutter’s brother and Flames’ coach Brent admitted he has had his own difficulties with the team, especially Iginla. Sutter expressed that he’s tried everything he can to scare the Flames straight, ”I’ve threatened to take away their TV and Facebook privileges, instituted an earlier curfew and flogged them with my belt — nothing seems to work,” he grumbled,

As stoic as he may appear, Darryl Sutter has been showing signs of stress. Wednesday, the media suggested that it was time for the Flames to inject new life into the roster and give some of their prospects a chance. Sutter became noticeably agitated,

“Don't you get? We made them all up! Backlund’s a surfer from San Diego, his real name’s Michael Backshaw and Greg Nemisz is 32-years old. No, we have to move forward with Amonte and Pavel’s brother.”

The new and improved Flames look to beat the Coyotes Tonight night in Phoenix.