Canucks fan lets Craigslist know he loves his wife, hates musicals.

Courtesy of Albert.

Single Ticket Canucks Game 2 section 313 - $450 (Vancouver)

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Date: 2011-05-27, 11:06AM PDT
Reply to: sale-zamqs-2406097258@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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I have to sell my ticket to the Canucks game 2, section 313 row 14. Hard Copy ticket

I am unable to go because I have to go to a fucking piece of shit musical with my wife (whom I love). I had agreed to go, and since the NHL decided to make the most retarded schedule they could, I have to give up my ticket to the Stanley Cup Finals to see some piece of shit musical with some bitches singing about some crap I don't care about. It's a terrible seat, you will have a terrible time at the game, the beer tastes like crap and costs $10 each... Price is firm because I don't want to sell it.

e-mail me.

Canucks’ GM Gillis, stats team, ready for Predators

Blair Charbonneau, Hockey Net

Gillis tasks his research team with looking into Nashville's sea elevation.

VANCOUVER—Promptly after stepping off his soapbox before the Canucks' final game of their series against the Chicago Blackhawks, GM Mike Gillis and his crack statisticians team prepared themselves for a second round matchup versus the Nashville Predators.

This morning, Vancouver media leaked a preliminary list from Gillis’ desk of potential series advantages:

• Pacific Standard time affects Vancouver 100% more than Nashville
• 94% of Shea Weber’s beard should be considered too barbed for physical contact
• 89% of Tennesseans confuse defenceman Kevin Klein with actor Kevin Kline—creating a
  manufactured air of celebrity.
• Direct eye-contact with Mike Fisher is disarming 75% of the time
• 51% of Blake Geoffrion’s DNA is in the Hall of Fame
• Mesmerizing O’s make up 41% of Jordin Tootoo’s name
• 32% of Carrie Underwood’s lyrics can be ominously interpreted when played 
backwards
• Continental drift is responsible for 13% of Vancouver’s squandered breakaways
• 11% of seizures are attributed to the Predators’ colour scheme and logo design
• 4% of Predators’ players are considered “stars”—deciding who to shadow is nearly impossible
• 1.4% of Barry Trotz is neck, dramatizing his intimidating demeanor

Sources claim Gillis and his team are putting together a Powerpoint presentation and will present these inequitable issues in colourful pie chart and line graph forms.