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| Rick "Glassman" Dipietro takes one for... well, nobody. |
NEW YORK—Scandal broke this morning after allegations of corruption concerning last week’s highly anticipated Dipietro versus Johnson bout for the NHL’s heavyweight goalie title.
NHL fight promoter Don Cherry denies the match was fixed, yet undisclosed sources claim they have inside information suggesting Islanders goalie and rehabilitation guru Rick Dipietro was instructed to dive early in the first round.
To the dismay of blood-thirsty fans, Diepietro was “K.O.ed” by the Penguins’ Brent Johnson on the fight’s first punch—provoking some to cry the confrontation was staged from the beginning.
Dipietro was favoured at the weigh-in with a ten pound advantage over Johnson—despite Johnson’s superior reach. The scrap was predicted to last beyond the one minute and thirty second mark until Johnson’s left-handed haymaker left Diepietro in a cloudy mental state similar to the one he uses to play goal—or so the league claims.
According to injury reports, Dipietro suffered facial fractures that will keep him out for up to six weeks, yet others believe the Isles’ netminder is fine and that the NHL wants him to lay low concerning the corruption allegations.
“What? Dipietro’s out? Holy shit, you don’t say? Hey, everybody guess what, Rick’s injured! Man, I woulda thought that impossible, what with his titanium-alloy frame and everything,” quipped a facetious Trevor Gilles to the press.
True or not, these accusations are yet another blemish on a sport once widely watched and respected for its goalie bouts. Long gone is the heyday of goalie fighting, when thousands gathered to cheer the “golden era” of heavyweight Goliaths like Hextall vs. Potvin, and Roy vs. Osgood or even the short, furious reign of “Sugar” Ray Emery. All goalie fighting fans can look forward to in the modern day are inexperienced amateurs looking to make a name for themselves and overzealous promoters looking to bring goalie fighting back into public consciousness any way they can.
“It’s a disgrace, a once-proud aspect of our game has died. Also, I lost a lot of money—I mean a lot,” confessed former NHL coach and player Rick Tocchet.
As cash wouldn’t be enough incentive for Dipietro to go down easy, sources contend motivation came in the form of a free ticket out of Long Island—to defect wherever he chose.
Since Johnson’s uncontested win, he participated in a second fight only days later—a sort of tag-team brawl between Johnson, teammate Eric Godard, and the Islanders’ Micheal Haley. Even though it was a draw, it sparks the hope that maybe we’re seeing the emergence of a new class of heavyweights, ones to channel the passion of the legends of old. One can only hope—unless your name is Rick.
