Montreal Doesn't Know What To Do With Scott Gomez, So Someone Put Him On Kijiji

Blair Charbonneau, via Kijiji

Someone in Montreal is trying to rid the Canadiens of Scott Gomez by selling him—or maybe just his place?— on Kijiji's Real Estate section. Specifically, the ad lists a one bedroom apartment, furnished, with a den.

The catch might be that the "Alaskan Mystery" comes with it. But if you're on the fence, you can get a free Jaques Martin too! Asking price? $29.99, which is still a bit much for damaged goods. On the plus side, the ad claims there are 6 or more bathrooms—so there's that. Unless by "bathrooms" you figure Gomez just shits anywhere he pleases—like he does on the ice.

Read the ad below, it was in French until Google Translate spat out...something... and I cleaned it up:

For quick sale, one Scott Gomez, 1978 

For quick sale, one Scott Gomez, 1978, with an injury to the upper body, somewhere between the eyebrows and pubis.

The Scott Gomez comes with hands of cement, concrete contract, a wooden leg and Madelaine Mariton skates, skates Mariton Madelon. [Apparently Madelaine Mariton is a reference to a French drinking song about this messed up, ailing, peg-leg woman—so, I guess you can see how this is relevant. -ed.]

An offer not to be missed! Buy now, pay now and keep paying it later.

That's not all! Buy Scott Gomez in the next 10 minutes and get a bonus package of sticks, a pack of cards and a pack of troubles.

Still not convinced?

Ok, here's my final offer: Buy one Scott Gomez and get, absolutely free, a 1952 Jacques Martin with a slight manufacturing defect: his ears grow 2 times faster than his hair and three times faster than his nose. The Jacques Martin comes with 45 overtime losses spread over three years and a leprechaun hat.

What luck!
*This offer is valid for as long as it takes.

http://montreal.kijiji.ca/c-real-estate-apartments-condos-1-bedroom-den-Pour-vente-rapide-un-Scott-Gomez-1978-W0QQAdIdZ336402265