Teammates say “Movember stache” changed Leafs’ Brown

Brown: the meanest sonovabitch in 30 counties?

Blair Charbonneau, Hockey Net

TORONTO — Teammates claim Maple Leafs forward Mike Brown’s mustache had an adverse effect on his personality.

Brown and several other Leafs players participated in “Movember” to raise prostate cancer awareness. Brown’s Mustache quickly became a popular attraction, piquing the interest of media and fans alike.

However, teammates witnessed a rapid transformation from his once good-natured character into a brooding, boorish maverick. The Leafs attribute Brown’s depravity to his 19th century, western-inspired mustache.

“Mike was the nicest guy in the room, now he just sits by himself slamming shots of bourbon, dealing 5-card stud,” said forward Kris Versteeg.

Players and coaches are at a loss to explain the reasoning behind Brown’s condition. They remain concerned, yet the team says no one has tried to confront Brown.

“Everyone’s too afraid of him,” voiced centre Tyler Bozak, “He even put up his own ‘wanted dead or alive poster’ in the room and dared us to take him down.”

Leafs general manager Brian Burke told the media that Brown will be sitting down with the team’s psychiatrist. However, the organization remains deeply concerned as new incidents—including Brown’s continual reference to Toronto as “Dodge City,” and insistence on being paid in silver dollars—continue to persist.

When reporters asked Brown about his unusual conduct and why he believes the officials are, in fact, “sheriffs,” he barked, “What’s it to you, vermin?”

The Leafs stated they first recognized the problem in mid November when Brown started spitting chewing tobacco from the bench. Then the right winger took to the ice with spurs on his skates during the second period of a game versus the Stars.

Opposing players, or “outlaws” according to Brown, say they, too, are aware of the player’s transformation. New York Rangers enforcer Derek Boogaard quoted Brown claimed that “this city isn’t big enough for the both of us” before challenging Boogaard to a street fight at “high noon.” And Atlanta Thrashers captain Andrew Ladd revealed that prior to an opening face-off, Brown kept referring to the Thrashers’ Phillips Arena as a “ghost town.”

While management decides how to best handle the situation, some believe Brown’s condition may run it’s course, while others suggest it will eventually consume him in a fiery blaze of glory.

As Brown declares "Mocember" to be in full effect, the Leafs can only hope.